People say diamonds are forever, but how long do they really last? Many believe them to be incredibly strong, indestructible gems, earning them the “forever” reputation. However, they can actually break quite easily. What really makes diamonds special is their incredibly high scratch resistance. Perhaps knowing this is a bit of a let-down, but it goes to further a different idea, that everything has a breaking point.
Hubris is a concept that most people do not like to associate with themselves, but in a way, everyone has a little bit of it within. The idea that we can defy the gods, so to speak, in various little aspects can be hard to recognize, but when we analyze ourselves critically we can find it wedged into little corners of our minds. That things might never change, that our friends will always be ours, that we may always love the taste of fresh strawberries, even, they all are products of the same folly. Things will change, and really, that is the only guarantee that we can rely on.
Still, we do our best to fight against it if the change is heading in a direction we may not like. And while we might feel like we have some control over what we can keep in our lives, it is often little more than illusory. We only really have control over how we choose to react to these new situations we inevitably find ourselves in.
Personally, I have a tendency to embrace change relatively easily through a rigid sense of self. I am not willing to give up what is important to me to cater to others. If you wrong me enough, you will not get a chance to do it again. Occasionally a thought drifts through my mind that because of this, I will probably die alone.
Even when I am around others, I cannot help from wondering how long things will last. There is a bit of sorrow in this, and I do wish I could be a little more flexible, but to be perfectly honest I would prefer a quiet bliss to the crowded pain that comes with housing those who would harm me reserved space in my heart. I get called cold a lot. Maybe I am, but perhaps it is because I have reached my breaking point enough times to know in advance when to call something quits.
This is not to say that I am anti-social, on the contrary. I love going out, seeing people, all the sorts of normal engaging activities that are attributed to the more extroverted among us. Because of this, I often see the exact opposite of my approach to relations. People contort themselves into horrible pretzel shapes daily and publicly to keep up appearances for others they privately claim to despise.
If I knew them better would I say something, advise them to pull off the mask, rid themselves of the self-harm? I would like to think so, but at the same time, I know it is not always my place to tell others how to live. It is not always appropriate to interject yourself into other’s business. Still, it can be a bit jarring to see the cycle repeat itself over and over, to see those you kind of care about and respect on some level debase themselves ad nauseam.
Then again, maybe I am revealing some hubris of my own. Do I really know better than others? Perhaps things WILL be different this time, maybe these people will find different ends. I must admit, my mind is clouded with doubt for such outcomes, but it would be insanely egotistical for me to say an alternative outcome is impossible. However, experience is a good teacher and to share knowledge learned is not the same thing as to claim to have all the answers to hidden truths. So no, I do not believe informing others how they are hurting themselves is necessarily based in something so vain.
With such an exhaustive preamble there must be some drama going on, right? Well, yes, I think we are all well aware that drama is an ocean here, but that is not the purpose of this article. Rather, it is a plea to those who care to be more conscious of their incongruencies. In the past few weeks, some large-scale events have occurred that have likely caught the attention of many readers here and if you are reading in hopes I might touch on that, sorry to say you made it all this way for nothing.
How will you react, though? In a way, this is a miniature test of your character. Are you the type of person who will fight your own disappointment and push forward for the sake of finishing this in hopes I might feel better knowing someone read it? Or are you more like me, bitter from a life of choosing the wrong path, leaving this unread because your expectations were not met? If you find yourself on either side, you probably SHOULD continue for your benefit.
Did you know life is directionless? Well, not entirely, but really all we have to rely on for a guide is time, taking us from cradle to grave. When it comes to space, though, time pays no mind. You can follow the expectations of society, of family, of friends, doing right by all of them. You can stake out your own path, fake your death, become a lemon mogul in a far-off land, protected by brigands and mercenaries. Heck, if you REALLY want, you can run into the mountains and eat rocks until you are so heavy you have no option but to remain in place until your time is up.
Most likely, no one reading this will try that, and we are not encouraging such recklessness. I only bring this extreme example up to demonstrate how we put ourselves in boxes. Life is so open and free, if you can realize that the ceremony we all stand on is a fiction written by ghosts and perpetuated by those who refuse to let tradition die. With a few tweaks to our perceptions, we can do a lot more than we may have ever realized is possible.
You might think that I’m referring to something grand and revolutionary, and while this mindset could certainly aid those greater callings, it can easily be applied to tiny things. For example, maybe a friend does something to you, something horrible that fundamentally goes against how you consider friendships. Do you let it slide, vent to another in private, hope things improve? Or do you cut ties there and then because you have been down this path before and you have seen how it ends one too many times?
Are there any other options? Of course, it may not always be easy to consider. You are not required to give in to them and live with the pain, just as you are under no obligation to rip someone out of your life. If this is a person you care about, perhaps there has been a misunderstanding. Oftentimes, we get so caught up in our own ways, we forget that everyone is from a different upbringing. What might be horrid to you could be seen as less than nothing to another.
By discussing, it is possible an understanding can be found. There’s nothing wrong with forgiveness if a mistake is genuine and an effort is made, but to forgive without question is a far more catastrophic error in judgment.
Similarly, when all the cards are on the table and there is an impasse, going separate ways is probably healthy, but to give up without trying is truly a lonesome road.
This is an issue that goes beyond the interpersonal. We do this to ourselves in our own activities as well. Work, play, routine, all chains we can sometimes wear to the point of breakdown. Perhaps, through a sense of necessity or a desire to escape, we can quickly lose sight of what is really important: Why we do what we do.
Ideally, if you are making decisions well, they should lead you to greater overall joy. Now, because it is important, this is not a mindless bliss. One must act in accordance with what they believe to be right if we are to keep a harmonious society. In the short term, you might feel elated folding a pizza in half and devouring it, but the ramifications of such an action will eventually outweigh the comparatively brief euphoria. Similarly, stealing someone’s wallet might get you something you want, but, even setting aside the guilt of harming another, can you really enjoy it behind bars?
Lately, some of the venue community has fallen into a bit of despair. We are in the midst of a downtime for much of the population. Many are taking a break and trying other things on their own or with friends, and this leaves a lot to be wanted in terms of guests when running an establishment.
Some start their ventures, optimistic at first, but quickly lose heart after a week or two of sitting alone in an excitedly decorated box, wondering what to do. Occasionally, they seek advice on how to improve, how to attract people. There is not a clear answer to this, as is often seen by responses they receive. There is no surefire strategy when it comes to growing a brand.
Still, to really make progress, the first step is to reflect on the reasons that brought about the desire in the first place.
People sometimes confuse their priorities when it comes to venues. The vital thing to remember is that these are not a livelihood for anyone, they are a hobby. If you are not in love with what you are doing, then perhaps you should reconsider the idea of running a venue in the first place. Go out and enjoy the scene instead, or try something completely different. Something that makes you feel whole and happy. The fleeting pleasures you might feel from seeing a crowded room will only leave you all the more empty if it is a one-time triumph.
From there, if running a venue is something you’re doing because you love it, then you should not worry so much about success in terms of visits, but instead of the quality of time you experience during open hours. If you have one person that comes through, show them a good time, and who knows, maybe they’ll be back next time and bring a friend.
When you have something wonderful to offer and you do it well, word will get out in less direct ways than simply advertising. Have the grit to withstand long shifts of nothing. Keep trying, persistence is your best tool when it comes to this sort of thing. If you really, truly love it, then it will not be that bad ever. And if you catch yourself feeling low, remember that you are doing this for you. And then, maybe, if you have given it your all and slow nights do finally crack through your upbeat demeanor, when it stops being a thing you like and turns into a chore you lament but keep alive for whatever reason, a regular, a sense of commitment, well, perhaps it is time to close shop for a while or for good.
There is no shame in walking away for yourself, but there is in both giving up too early or continuing on a miserable lump.
Maybe this has come across as unenlightening, meaningless platitudes that anyone could spout without thought. And perhaps there is some truth to that. Like many, I do not hold all the answers, but I do not claim to. This is simply advice to take a look at life and action and hammer out the inconsistencies between desire and reason to help those who need it try to get themselves on a better trajectory, one where they care for themselves.
Putting on a mask and pushing on as an automaton is not healthy, nor is totally excising oneself because of excessive rigidity. We all need to find the balance between the two, and we all need to be able to recognize when enough is enough, externally and internally.
To summarize where this point is, it can vary from person to person, but the formula is the same. When the negative aspects of something outweigh the positives, perhaps take a moment to evaluate how important this thing is, be it a habit, a relationship, a hobby. If you want, look for another angle that sets things right.
Finally, make a decision that is healthy for you. Life is fleeting, people and things come and go. In the end, we all live and die with ourselves. I hope you make decisions that make you proud of the self you travel with.
