Have you ever been in a supermarket to get just one thing, but it feels as though the universe deigned to trap you there by sending all the worst people out at once? What should have been a two-minute in and out is now dragging on 5, 10, 15 minutes as you weave and bob through an endless stream of the almost living dead.

Surely, you know the type. Listlessly meandering about, grabbing can after can while using their carts to angle away any chance of passing through.

The brash among you might be wondering why one does not simply push through, or at the very least say something to take charge of the situation and bend these mindless drones to their will. Unfortunately, not everyone is able to break free from a meek demeanor. And even so, the stress these situations cause can pile up with others until finally such a quiet person snaps and has a breakdown either in sorrow or rage.

Considering this, that an explosive emotional episode is an inevitability for the shy, one might come to the conclusion that the healthier person is the one who apathetically takes what they want. Certainly, avoiding emotional taxation can keep one from suffering a snap down the line, but is it healthy to live detached from the world? One may grow to find comfort in isolation from society, but so can a person find, after time, that they can live with a knife in their shoulder.

Just because it is something that can be ignored after an adjustment does not make it optimal.

So we must ask, then, what is the solution? How can we both interact with the world in a meaningful way and not allow it to lead us to ruin? As silly as it might sound, the answer is kindness. Yes, yes, I know, silly and obvious and probably not very cool, but hear me out!

First, we have to come to terms with the fact that none of us exist in a vacuum. Especially in places like Eorzea, it can be easy to forget that other people do actually wander around without us. I know, Duty Supports and Trusts can sort of blur that sense, but really, we all do share a space, one where our actions can affect others.

If you were to wander about a major city and see a crowd jumping about, waving glow sticks, dancing like mad, you might ignore them or you might walk by with a scoff. Either way, you noticed and it triggered a response. For me, when I teleport to a city and hear a sweeping noise, I do my best to walk just a little bit away, because that triggers a negative reaction for me.

Recognition, though, is the first step towards change.

Alright, so, now you know that other people can dampen or lighten your mood. Great. Now what? Must you go forth through life hyper-aware with no recourse? Of course not! But you must also realize that while they have an effect on you, so too does your response to them. The so-called “Golden Rule” comes to mind, “do unto others as” yadda yadda yadda. You know it, I know it, we all know it, but so what? You were nice once, and people were still jerks, so it must not matter, right? Bad things are bound to happen. This takes us back to the two-way street of interactions.

Being nice to someone does not guarantee that they will return the gesture, and it can be easy to chalk it up to them just being a bad person. That is who they are, they proved it with their actions, no other evidence is necessary, prosecute and secure a death penalty for your new nemesis. Only, if you consider that you are not in a vacuum, you must also understand that this exchange is not necessarily a random one-off tell-all about someone.

Perhaps they are going through a difficult time. Maybe the last person who was nice to them betrayed them severely, and now your actions have subconsciously put them on the defensive. This does not make it your fault, nor does it make their response okay, but maybe we can avoid jumping to conclusions and offer the benefit of the doubt.

But why advocate for this SO HARD? This is just a silly little thing, most encounters are quick, and you never see someone again, who cares, just go on and forget about it. That is one way to see things. And, to be clear, I am not calling for a deep compassion for anyone who comes across your path. There really ARE bad people out there who would throw their closest friends to an Ahriman if it meant just a sliver of more for themselves. And yet, even with these people, it costs you nothing to share a kind word.

Still, it also costs you nothing to throw out some choice words, flash a certain digit, and storm off. Only it does, does it not? Because you are walking away carrying some anger, anger you got from someone who probably does not matter and who you have no interest in liking. Would it not be more satisfying to know you tried to make a good impact in the world?

Even now, discussing emotions can be a challenge. Opening up, admitting feelings, these are not easy hurdles to overcome. And yet, often when we submit to our darker urges, it can feel good, like we are acting with righteous fury. They deserve it! But what is it you are giving them? With some people, your rage is something they feed on and each barbed word works to bring a smile to their face. In the end, who is suffering here?

I deal with my own issues, but I am trying to be less of a fire and more of a light. It is not that I am running around screaming at people. In fact, in the initial given scenario, I’m more likely to allow others to push me around, too quiet to even say “Excuse me?” when someone is in the way, for fear that my need to maneuver would somehow be offensive. Ridiculous, I now.

The thing is, it is my friends who have to bear the brunt of it when I vent to them about all the horrors of everyday life. And as nice as venting can feel, it only imparts a negative perception onto them on my behalf.

Something more rare than a public outburst from me, though, is me joining a PVP match. I have a high aversion to them because I find them incredibly stressful and I am BAD at fighting. SO bad. My goodness, sorry anyone who has had me on their team. I hope you have good health insurance for all the carrying you have to do.

And yet, in every event to collect moogle thingies to exchange for goods, it seems the most efficient way to get a lot is by suffering the battlefield.

A typical match in a daily Frontline usually goes pretty standard. We gather, a couple people say hi, maybe flash some of their mounts’ special tricks, then we run off as a horde while a couple others try pointlessly to direct the stream of violence. It is a chaotic ballet that usually lands us winning third place.

At the end, everyone rushes out to sign up again and hope for better luck, or better players. It is so transactional and fast, who cares.

Honestly, I used to feel the same. It was ANNOYING to be in there with people screaming at each other, their own teammates, about how they are in the wrong spot, how they are defeatist, how it really, really matters. Frankly, it does not matter too much, and I think there is an unhealthy investment in winning. I mean, yes, try your best, but it really is not life or death. But even if you disagree with me, it is hard to argue that the environment is anything but toxic.

I hated PVP more for having to dip into a pool of rancid name-calling more so than the prospect that I was going to run to a point only to fall in moments and have to run all the way back. I would make little comments of my own to myself about how ridiculous everyone was being, how they are being way too hardcore for what should be something casual and fun. It was a depressing thing to go into time and time again just so I could pretend it is really hot out.

I think I would still feel this way if I had not come across this video about another person who actually used to be openly toxic in matches.

It was only until she started to realize this that she shied away from them entirely, before being enticed back into a more friendly environment by those close to her. It was there that she started to challenge herself more, reopening communications and seeing how people talked to each other. She had expected others to be cruel to her about her mistakes, but she found that most people did not really mind, and in some cases were encouraging.

This got her interested in seeing what more was out there, and she started to keep a chart of how people acted in games, marking down the highs and lows. She found that only 18% of the time a toxic experience would arise. This led her to a few conclusions, one being that being kind to others would impact the outcome of, not the match, but the emotions of the people she worked with.

And this brings me back to - you guessed it! - we should be kind to each other, even if we do not know the other person, even if we will never see them again, even if they are the vilest sack of donuts to ever cross your path because your team did not get enough points in the silly break rocks in a big ice pit game.

Will it work? Will it change the world? Not right away, and we should not be delusional about that. But maybe, with persistence, we can start to see things become a little better. One kind act inevitably leads to another, even if we are not there to see it.

Mahatma Gandhi famously said, “Be the change you wish to see in the world.” This is a wonderful sentiment, and it goes even further when considering the Greek proverb “A society grows great when old men plant trees in whose shade they shall never sit.”

Spreading good will will not change the world overnight. It will not even change a PVP match in the seven minutes you are there. But it will grow as others go out and maybe decide they too can be uplifting. Even when things go wrong, a kind word goes a long way.

“Aw, they got the points, but hey, everyone did well!” “Nice moves out there, it was very uneven but you lasted a long time!” Little things like this, they make a difference.

Despite being so populous, Eorzea can be a lonely place. That loneliness can really help negativity flourish. But with a little care, a little acknowledgement, it shows others that someone does see them. That they matter. That tiny missteps are not a big deal, and that they can laugh with friendly faces instead of shying away into a dark corner. I am going to try to be a light for them and I hope that some of you will join me.