Are you excited for the New World? New jobs, new story, new lighting, new dye slots? Whatever it is you’re waiting for, we’re getting closer and closer to the release date, and it is becoming increasingly apparent as we are bombarded with promotions.

Events are everywhere, and for the first time in a while, it feels like instead of not enough to do, there is too much to do. Too many events, too many baubles, a nonstop rush to stock up on things before they go away again for who knows how long. Even Fall Guys is making a comeback after its initial run less than 6 months ago. The powers that be are really hoping to drag as many back in early as possible.

Unfortunately, not everyone will return to play 20 rounds of “hope latency doesn’t make you lose suddenly,” more commonly known as Fall Guys. But fortunately, another way to participate in the overload of activities was brought to vacationers who live in the USA, sorry all other countries.

The newest addition to the FFXIV experience is Mountain Dew, and with it a ton of fun little prizes for you and your WOL.

This is not the first time we have had outside offers to get Eorzean swag from partnerships. Uber Eats and KFC emotes have been pretty popular in the past. Even candy brands have helped adventurers mount up for long journeys. Tons of junk foods have attached themselves to the FFXIV bandwagon to encourage players to eat eat eat, but this new collaboration with Mountain Dew might take the cake for being the most unhealthy.

I do not think anyone was under the impression that Mountain Dew is good for you. If you were, well… it isn’t, sorry. According to the American Heart Association (AHA), adult women should shoot for no more than 24 grams of sugar for day, with men having a little bit more wiggle room of about 36 grams. A single 20oz bottle of Mountain Dew contains 77 grams of sugar, more than twice the male suggestion. Even a same sized bottle of Coca-cola is more appropriate at 64 grams of sugar.

So what is the big deal? Honestly, if it was just drinking a few Mountain Dews to get an emote or a mount, it really is not so bad. If you spread it out, maybe cut back on sweets in between Dew days, most people would probably be totally fine. Sadly, though, there is a little more going on here than a tiny digital tie-in.

Being one of the bigger, if not the biggest, partnered promotional campaigns for Eorzea yet, Mountain Dew has put a lot on the table for thirsty fans to try and drown in syrup to win. Twenty-nine is the number of possible prizes to pick, with point costs ranging from 100 to 25,000. A single Mountain Dew can net you 100 points each, unless you purchase one of the special flavors that are restricted to certain retailers and are valued at 200 points.

If you only want the two digital exclusives, the Mountain Zu mount and the Sparkling Citrus XP Boost (not an emote, sorry guys (Also, the mount and the XP boost are unavailable for redemption until Dawntrail)), at minimum you need to buy at least four 20oz bottles, seven at most if there are shortages of the special flavors in your area. A bottle of Mountain Dew costs about $2.50 (USD) per, so that is a total cost of $10 to $17.50. Considering the least expensive single-person mounts on the Mog Shop are $12, this is a relatively reasonable price.

Of course, though, not everyone will restrict themselves to getting just the digital items. I will admit, the hoodie and sweatpants look pretty comfortable and I would not mind having a Fuath buddy to keep my pillow warm. The sweatpants and hoodie are 20,000 points each with plushies costing 4,000.

I am not a mathematician or a physicist or even a number cruncher, but I can put numbers into a calculator and read the results pretty well. I am going to generously assume an endless supply of the 200 point flavors, Purple Thunder, Overdrive, Maui Burst, and Frostbite. No purchases of the 100 point flavors or any of the flavors that for whatever reason do not count towards FFXIV prizes.

20,000 points divided by 200 points is 100, meaning I would need to purchase 100 bottles of Mountain Dew to get those luxurious looking white Puma Pants. This translates to $250 before taxes. If I want to add the hoodie, which I do because they match, that is $500 and 200 bottles. Throw in my Fuath friend and we are at $550 and 220 bottles. That is a LOT of cash and Dew and I only got 10% of the possible special branded stuff.

Just for fun, let us assume there is a collector who simply must have it all, even the color variants and the dye packs because some people like to collect things. All 29 items total out to 246,300 points. This means a grand total of $3,080 and 1,232 20oz bottles of Mountain Dew.

Going back to the sugar content for a second, that is 94,864 grams of sugar. 2,635 days worth for an adult male, 3,953 for an adult female. More than seven years of sugar for a man, and nearly 11 years for a woman, assuming they are sticking to AHA recommendations.

It is unlikely that even the least fiscally responsible participants are going to drink 1,232 bottles of Mountain Dew in a day. The average soda consumption for Americans is about 2 bottles per day. Assuming these self-reported numbers from New York City are accurate and apply to all Americans, that is a two-year supply of soda, though it is likely less time than that, let’s be real.

While it does not seem likely Mountain Dew or Square Enix intends for anyone to consume that much for some branded merchandise, it does seem like they expect at least some distribution of Puma pants or hoodies. For me, assuming I follow AHA guidelines and invest my entire budget of sugar on Mountain Dew, that is nearly a year of Mountain Dew, just to get some Puma pants. Is that kind of commitment worth it?

Is putting the Final Fantasy XIV logo on some Puma pants really worth $250 and 100 bottles of soda? A pair of white Puma sweat pants is around $20-30, more in some cases, but it’s not going to break the bank, probably. If you need something embroidered, costs for that range from about $10-20. So for less than $50, you too can get FFXIV Puma pants and avoid any trips to the hospital, assuming you don’t get in a fight or travel dangerously. Maybe learn to embroider and poke yourself while trying it. I can’t account for everything, but you probably won’t get diabetes from getting custom pants made.

Custom keyboard keys are also a thing, around the $20 price range. The promotional keyboard keys are $225 and 90 bottles of Mountain Dew. The custom plushie market is a bit different and you MIGHT be able to find a deal with a creator, but 20 bottles of special Mountain Dew at $50 might not be the worst exchange. That said, it is likely the event plushies are ordered in bulk and probably do not cost that much for Mountain Dew and Square Enix to order per unit.

But so what if the prices are insanely high for some of these things. Don’t the corporations deserve to make a profit for running this event? For sure, yes, hard work has gone into this and it should be rewarded adequately. Even so, does it seem like a fair deal? In 2017, making a 20oz bottle of soda cost $0.30 to make. That number has likely gone up over the last few years, but I can’t imagine it is that much more now than it was then. Let’s just be generous and say that now each 20oz bottle requires $1 to make and distribute, so every sale at $2.50 nets the company $1.50.

The actual subscriber count for FFXIV is not an easy number to get, so this might be lower than what it really is, but according to activeplayer.io, there were 17.5 million active players in the last 30 days so there are at least 17.5 million subscribers in that time. Apparently 60% of these players are in North America, so about 10 million subscriptions, with exact numbers in the USA unknown.

If we go wild and say only half are Americans (though this is likely a larger number) and only half of them want just the mount and nothing else (again, likely larger), this means 2.5 million people buying at least 3 bottles of Mountain Dew. This gives a rough total sales of $18,750,000, and factoring in the cost of $1 per bottle, $11,250,000 in profits, assuming only currently subscribed players enter.

If this is the MINIMUM they make, then unless they spent more in some marketing materials and manufacturing costs for other prizes, they likely walk away with a lot for recoloring a mount. Of course, to enter, you must also register for an account which requires a great deal of personal information. Who knows what they will do with that?

Realistically, though, they are going to make a fair amount more on this. And that is probably a huge motivator in making this happen. At the time of writing this, despite the event only starting 3 days ago, the Great Serpent of Ronka cups (4000 points/$50/20 bottles) have already run out of stock. The FFXIV fanbase is quite ravenous and I am certain more prizes will become unavailable as the event goes on.

I have no delusions about the importance of supply and demand, I understand capitalism in basic terms and I get the need to make profits when doing things like this. That said, I think this event in particular is one of the more unethical things Square Enix has done in pursuing promotion of their game. Excessively expensive items aside, a lot of soda is not a good thing for anyone.

Extreme sugar intake does not guarantee someone will get diabetes, but those at risk of diabetes would be putting themselves in a worse position going after some of these prizes. Not that it is much healthier, but the sugar-free options only get you 100 points, meaning any of the math above needs to be doubled if you want to avoid as much sugar as possible.

I do not really believe in telling people what to do. I have my opinions on things and I am happy to share them and even argue for them if it comes to it, but everyone should make choices for themselves. This all said, I think it is important that these choices come from an informed perspective. My hope for this article is that it will inform people about the nature of this event and the consumption they may put themselves through.

But what options do we have? Is it possible to participate in all this and avoid dumping out your wallets or putting on 20 pounds? I would suggest that if you need to get these points, you should be prepared to either build up a storage space for Mountain Dew or even better, just dump it out. Sugar is very addictive and the more you have, the more you will want, so exercising some self control with this event will be beneficial to you in the long run.

For a more cost effective way to do this, scavenging may be an option. Not everyone who drinks Mountain Dew will be redeeming their points. If you are not opposed to asking for them or picking the caps out of bins, it is an economical method to snag a Mountain Zu. Just be careful as dumpster diving has its own inherent risks.

At the end of the day, I can’t really judge anyone for joining in on the fun. Getting prizes is cool and exciting! I have a few trinkets and things from other events that I really enjoy and if you see something here that is a must have, you really should go for it! Just try to remember that corporate or social pressure is never worth hurting yourself over.